As I sit here a day before Valentine’s day on Tuesday, February 13th at 12:38 pm I am swimming in thoughts of what could this be?
I have been putting off my dental appointment for months.
I have been busy at work, traveling, I have got too much on my plate, my teeth look fine, I have no aches and then finally today I walk into the dentist office straggling very late and humble that they will even see me.
X-rays are done and then in comes the dentist where she checks all the pearly whites, tells me there is no sign of infection, no cavities BUT…Let me show you, you have a lump on the side of the cheek that is not on the other side.
I quickly ask could I have bitten my inner cheek to which she flatly says no because when you bite your inner cheek it looks like this and shows me a side of my cheek that has been bitten.
So, she says I want you to see an oral surgeon. WHOA!! And just like that what was a routine dental check-up just got real.
And in that moment as I am calling the oral surgeon who thankfully squeezes me in for a 2:00pm today I want to tell you about the span of time before the visit to the oral surgeon, the span of time between not knowing and knowing what is this lump in my inner cheek…the span of time, time, time, time, time, T…………………………..I………………………..M…………………………E……………………………………………………………………………
That span of time known as the waiting period and what the mind does to you during that time.
And how all of the feelings of how you have been living your life come crashing in and you are face to face with did all that stuff you did this past week really matter?
All that self-sacrificing? Was that the best use of your time?
Did pushing through on all those projects and barely sleeping matter?
You yelled at your kids this morning, is that how you want them to experience you?
It’s like this health scare guilt comes out of nowhere crashing down to kick you when you are already scared and out and it’s also totally normal.
It’s the human condition.
A lot of us facing fear allow ourselves to be consumed by it versus getting supported. So, faced with the prospect of getting great news or not so great news what do you do with that in between time.
My VERY first suggestion is don’t look online and look up your symptoms it’s just never good. The internet always paints doom and gloom. I was tempted but I stayed away.
My second suggestion is don’t let your Survival Mechanism win, the one that sounds like “You see you have been doing X, Y and Z when you could have been living your life and now God only knows what that oral surgeon is going to say to you.”
If your survival mechanism can sound like mine, I say get support right away.
Tell a few people that you are scared, enlist the tribe and let them know, “hey this just happened and I am shitting in my pants. I trust in the divine, in my God and in my universe that I will get good news BUT I am still scared.”
I specifically say tribe because the tribe is a special subset of beings in your life that you can trust and that will know how to hold you when you are in a moment of fear.
Do not reach out to people who will feed your survival mechanism. You know who those people are in your life so please do yourself a favor and surround your spirit and being with love.
And once you reach out for support, THEN LET YOURSELF BE SUPPORTED. You hear me. Let yourself be supported.
Don’t try to play the “I got this.”
Let your people in to your heart space. Let them “get you”. Totally let your tribe “get you” And ease into and receive the love that you have created.
I got supported by my tribe. And now I am a bit more at ease, filled with gratitude and love as I patiently wait for good news. Walking to the oral surgeon now…1:34 pm EST
Post oral surgeon update, my dental scare turned out to be a fibroma. I am doing great and scheduled to have it removed mid-March.