Every day I go through life and I am engaged in a conversation riddled with questions. I am asking myself: “Should I go?” “What am I wearing today?” “What am I in the mood to eat?” “Do I swipe right or left?”
But then there is THE QUESTION and no matter how many gazillion other thoughts pop into my mind, there is one question that begs to be answered–“HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO LET THIS GO ON?” I assert that we all have our own version. Pause for a moment. Close your eyes. What incessant question is your LIFE asking you right now in this moment? Write it down. Walk with me. What does it sound like?
Perhaps it’s how long are you going to…
In the Workplace
- Be passed over for that position?
- Not get paid your worth?
- Not speak up?
- Not ask for what you want?
- Wait for him/her to get their act together?
- Stay in this relationship?
- Allow him/her to speak to you that way?
- Not ask for what you want?
Maybe your questions sound different and the context is not about how long? Perhaps it’s how can I? When will I? Would I? Whatever your question(s) might be, notice a theme? The questions we often ask ourselves come from a disempowered place. A place of living in a story where we believe that this is just how things are. This is how life is, for most of us anyway. However, it’s more likely that these questions are the results of the choices and thoughts we have embraced. The results of choosing and accepting beliefs about ourselves as the irrefutable truth that no one else knows. It’s between you and you. Your dirty little secret. It’s also likely that these questions we keep asking ourselves are the outcomes of how we predictably engage with those around us. We accept and believe our own limiting beliefs and unconsciously give others permission to do the same.
We do it by:
- Being passive aggressive
- Asking questions of ourselves and no one else
- Being silent
- Being judgmental
- Not holding people accountable
- Not keeping our word
- Accepting what does not serve us
- Engaging in my personal favorite “Loud face” letting my face do all the talking but never allowing the words to leave my mouth (another version of being silent)
Why does this happen?
We have no muscle memory when it comes to ASKING FOR what we want and SAYING WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID. Putting it on the LOUD SPEAKER for others to hear. ACKNOWLEDGING and GIVING POWER to your DECLARATION, your INTENTION, your NEEDS and WANTS on this universe is both big BADASSERY and a “helluva” lot scary. It’s also one of the greatest acts of SELF-LOVE.
Even for those of you who are reading this and saying, “I get mine,” pause for a moment and reflect on whether it was always this way? Do you feel more comfortable asking for what you want in some parts of your life but not all (i.e. in my relationships but not in my business, at home with my family but not at work?)
Consider the experience of leaning into the simplicity and magnitude of declaring to the universe WHAT DO YOU WANT? Putting that on the loud speaker for all to hear and living into it. How might the questions you ask yourself shift? How do they sound now? Do you notice the change? The first thing is that they are no longer questions. They are now statements of what you want. I WANT. Notice below some of the possible ways this can go.
- Asking yourself questions about why you are not being paid can shift into… My rate is $$$.
- Wondering why you have been passed over for a position can shift into…I want to have a conversation about this role.
- Considering how long you are staying in a relationship that no longer serves you can shift into… I am stepping away/moving on.
You see mi gente, WE DO NOT HAVE TO ASK FOR PERMISSION to create the life we want to live. We can break up the cycle of incessant questions at any point by simply deciding to do so. So, the next time the little voice inside your head starts asking you questions . . . Pause. Take a moment. Listen. Close your eyes. Become Present to What You Want. Open Your Eyes and CLAP BACK WITH YOUR DECLARATION.
Let’s practice together!!!