Ghosting as most simply defined is the act of someone vanishing from your life and you are left wondering why?
These days with the popularity in the online dating scene meeting someone one day and having them ghost you the next is common place.
But what I am talking about is the type of ghosting that happens when you are in relationship with someone and they disappear off of the face of the earth, maybe not physically but they have disappeared from your inbox, from your text or from your voicemail.
Ghosting can literally happen under any circumstance.
It can happen in blossoming relationships just as it can happen in committed relationships.
It also does not have to be limited to romantic relationships it can also happen in business and workplace partnerships. Recruiters tend to get ghosted as do coaches.
In these situations, they will literally not return any calls, any texts or any emails and you are suddenly left with this sinking feeling of what did I do? Or what could I have done differently?
And yes these are questions you want to ask yourself and if every time you circle back to the “what did I do?” you are still running on empty consider for a moment that the ghosting phenomena, unless there is an actual disagreement that transpired between you and the other person, may not be about something you did.
Perhaps this behavior of ghosting is more about this person’s lack of comfort with being transparent with you.
Faced with the possibility of telling you the real deal, their survival mechanism has them doing the comfortable thing which is hiding, not respond and ghost you.
This leads to a lack of communication and a no need to say anything stance that perhaps they are doing because they believe that in time this will dissipate. Maybe you will forget and get over it. Perhaps they ghost you because that’s their m.o. and they don’t give it too much thought. It’s just what they do.
All the while, you as the person on the receiving end of this lack of communication tend to feel angry, frustrated and upset and might even blame the other person.
And when I speak to clients who have experienced ghosting the first thing I want to acknowledge is that yes it can be a painful and emotional experience. One day you are in communication with a person and then the next they stop writing or texting without warning and sometimes they warn you and you just don’t believe them until they actually make good on that promise.
Listen I get it. Ghosting sucks, but from where you are you cannot force someone to respond. You can only be accountable and responsible for yourself in this situation.
Hitting the rewind on your memory of the last conversation you had with the person or re-reading the last text or email to see if it was something you said or did is going to get tired and run its course. This leads me to what’s next for you?
You will have to choose to let it go.
Being responsible for who will you be in the face of ghosting scenario will require you to accept the current circumstances as is, move on and get complete.
To get complete means that you actually flatten this situation and get rid of any negativity associated with it. Completion is a process where you commit to responding to a series of probing questions that are designed to support you in looking at this situation objectively and releasing any burdensome energy and thoughts you have attached to the situation so that it becomes as meaningful as yesterday’s lunch.
As a coach, I can facilitate a completion process so if you are holding on to negative feelings and thoughts associated with your own personal experience with ghosting or other confrontational situation, I would encourage you to think about activities that can support you in releasing that energy.
Focus on what can I do to shift my current state.
Choosing to let go is a gift to you.
Letting go creates the time and space to release the disempowering story and guilt associated with this ghosting scenario so that you are able to exert your energy and power in new ways creating access to new opportunities and possibility.